What a Bride Should Never Ask Her Bridesmaids to Do

A bride laughing with two of her bridesmaids

Being a bridesmaid or a maid of honor is considered a privilege—one that comes with many responsibilities. As a bridesmaid, one is expected to help the bride make the most out of their wedding day and the events leading up to it. Unfortunately, the stress of wedding planning can easily turn any bride into a bridezilla, making absolutely absurd requests of her friends. This, of course, is a big no-no.

It’s important to remember that neither the maid of honor nor the bridesmaids are meant to be personal assistants. The moment the bride goes down that road, she risks losing her friends. So, if you want to avoid ruining a relationship (and your special day), you should never ever ask your bridesmaids to do the following.

Demand a Drastic Makeover

No bridesmaid should be asked to alter their physical appearance to “fit in.” Asking all bridesmaids to have their hair up or down is one thing, but asking them to dye or cut their hair is going too far. One of the worst things you can request is for someone to lose weight or get facial injections—which happens more often than you think and ruins a lot of friendships. One of the worst requests we’ve seen is a bride demanding everyone to abstain before her big day—to assure no one is pregnant for the ceremony! Even spray tans are somewhat questionable. Remember, your bridesmaids will already want to look their best for their sake and yours. So, if you want to help them out, hire a hair and makeup person for your event, but don’t ask your bridal team for anything that’ll make them uncomfortable.

Be the Middleman in Drama

Both the maid of honor and the bridesmaids will likely step in if things get out of hand at the reception or a pre-wedding event, and it’s fine to ask them to tone things down should someone get too crazy. However, don’t actively start drama or ask your bridesmaid to get involved in personal issues. It’s not fair to your friends and will make things uncomfortable for everyone.

Enforce a Strict Dress Code

Bridesmaids wearing neutral-colored dresses and holding bouquets.

It’s traditional to have all bridesmaids match, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to wear the exact same dress and the exact same shoes. First of all, we all have different body types and what may look good on one person may not flatter the other. Instead, pick a color, fabric, and/or style that you’ll keep uniform across the board and let the bridesmaids choose the type of dress they feel their best in. For example, someone may not be ok with a strapless top, while another may prefer a longer skirt length. The same goes for shoes. Bridesmaids are going to be on their feet almost all day, and not everyone can handle heels for hours on end. If possible, set a general guideline such as nude or black shoes, and let them bring their own pair.

Navigate Awkward Settings

Keep in mind your bridesmaids’ comfort levels in different settings. For example, not everyone finds rowdy bachelorette parties with strippers appropriate, so don’t try to push someone with a more conservative mindset to do something they don’t like. Similarly, don’t force anyone to drink if they don’t want to, and don’t require someone to give a speech if they have a phobia of public speaking. And, don’t force anyone to bring a date if they’re fine going solo. Basically, be respectful of one another’s boundaries.

Sacrifice Too Much Time

Asking for assistance here and there is normal, but some brides tend to take advantage of their bridesmaids by booking all their personal time to help plan the wedding. Don’t forget that your bridesmaids have a life too, which may include work, family, or other private matters. If you find that you’re dependent on your bridesmaids too much, you might be better off hiring a professional, such as a wedding planner, for assistance with wedding day planning.

Go Over Their Budget

A group of women at a bachelorette party pouring champagne.

Just because you decided to splurge on your special day doesn’t mean your bridesmaids have the budget to do the same. Even in the best-case scenario, every bridesmaid will end up spending a good amount of cash to participate in your bridal party. So, try to be mindful of how quickly things can add up. This is especially important if you’re having a destination wedding or even an out-of-town bachelorette party, as travel is not cheap and the bridesmaids often end up footing the bill for the “last night out.”

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