8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged

A couple dressed in winter clothes and holding hands in front of twinkle lights.

Getting engaged is a huge step in anyone’s life, and it’s normal to have some nerves surrounding this milestone. As you prepare to embark on the journey of marriage with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it’s a good time to ask yourself some important questions. Before you take this momentous step, be honest with yourself and reflect on your relationship by asking yourself the questions detailed below.

1. Am I happy in this relationship?

A young couple laying on a blanket at the park.

The first thing you want to really examine is whether your relationship makes you happy. That’s what it’s all about, right? You need to have happiness in your life going forward, so just make sure that your relationship prompts that. If it doesn’t, you either need to have a serious talk or walk away.

2. Do we accept each other’s families?

When you marry someone, it’s kind of like you’re marrying their family, too. That means that everyone needs to accept each other for who they are. If it’s impossible to do that on either side, chances are there will be conflict surrounding this down the line. Think through whether these familial relationships are in a healthy place. If they’re not, think about if and how they can be rectified going forward.

3. Do we have fun together and apart?

A young couple having fun by the lake.

Being in a relationship that is fun and exciting is so important, and it’s something to really think about before you commit to getting married. You want to entertain each other and enjoy each other’s company enough so that it’ll stay that way for the rest of your lives. You should also think about whether you’re okay doing things independently and how that plays into your relationship. It’s always good to have a healthy balance of independence and time together, so that’s definitely something to examine.

4. Do we encourage each other to grow?

Life is all about growth and progression. You want to be with someone who encourages this, and you want to do the same for your spouse. Make sure that the person you’re with doesn’t hold you back or make you feel like you’re stagnant in your life. You may also want to think through whether you regularly share goals and dreams with each other and how you encourage one another to make those dreams a reality.

5. Are we attracted to each other?

A young couple hugging.

Maintaining a level of physical attraction is extremely important in any relationship. While you may not always be in the “honeymoon stage” of your relationship, physical affection and the desire to be intimate are vital to a healthy relationship, so make sure that aspect of your love life is present with this partner.

6. Are we getting engaged for the right reasons?

You want to get engaged because you’re truly in love and looking to build a life together. If you feel like you’re getting engaged because it’s the logical next step that others expect out of your relationship or if you’re looking to check off a box of where you think your life should be, that’s something you will need to think long and hard about. Set yourself and your relationship up for success by agreeing to get married for the right reasons, not to please others or prove something to yourself.

7. Is there a high level of trust?

A couple walking outside wearing matching denim jackets.

A marriage is based on trust, so the person you’re considering engagement with needs to be someone you trust completely. There’s no room for doubt or suspicion in a marriage, so really think about this before you take the next step.

8. How does this relationship make me feel?

Your relationship should make you feel a range of emotions: challenged, excited, happy, hopeful, and so on. You want to make sure that you gain more positive feelings from your relationship than negative before you take the next step towards spending your life together.

The idea of getting engaged is an exciting one, but make sure you feel secure and really ready to take this step before you dive in.

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